Take back what I'm saying. It won't mean anything to me in an hour
<< 10:33 p.m. - Monday, Sept. 23, 2002 >>
I�ve messed up so many things by being nosy. I really should take my time. As Dan said, �...the grass will grow; take your time.� But I feel now, in a rush to be doing things. Like I don�t have time to waste or my life will be over before I notice. I�ve been waiting my whole life. And its getting old, I�m tired of watching things pass me by, I want to join the race. And I�m in it for distance.

My curiousness has cost me in more ways then one. For instance, it caused me to be without a door handle. I wanted to make the old time skeleton key work and so I took the entire door handle out and promptly broke it. I now shove socks in the holes where the handle and key once were. And somehow I�ve gotten used to it. I think I'm breaking more things than door handles.

I feel ridiculous in a sense too. I�m sensing the faults of this new person I�m trying to become. My emotions are unbarred, free from reason. It�s a little scary. I�ve always closed myself up, hid in my own skin and screamed into pillows to relieve tension. I�m ending that; it must stop.

I want to know what he�s thinking. Am I even attractive? I�m not going to get involved if he feels nothing. I would just feel dumb, I already feel dumb. I try so hard to release myself. To speak in a way that others can actually understand.

Listening to random music, the Beatles, Weezer, afro celt sound system, Pinback, Green day, john Mayer etc. My mind is all twisted up, knotted in perpetual reflection.

Still avoiding homework. Still staying up late. Still have a cold...sigh. someone needs to email me. (click on �email� icon) it�s that simple, I don�t care who you are, I just need to know someone hears me.

Meh...hate math.

kelser