"You will fall in love with the very first man you meet."
<< 5:56 p.m. - Tuesday, Oct. 08, 2002 >>
I was thinking about what Effervecent Girl wrote in her diary. She has lived in the true sense of the word. Although the outcome is not always desired, she has learned a hell of a lot more than me. I, my parents, my friends shield me from what they don�t think I want to hear. I have remained in time warp, unable to move towards the future. I get hung up on some really stupid stuff, and am easily embarrassed.

I�m sick of my bright red flush, when I say the wrong thing or a teacher chides me. My inability to speak with more than 3 or 4 people is an obstacle that I�m avoiding. I�m getting into this habit of mumbling, talking too quietly, or stuttering�.Breanne Morgan or what? Am I destined to think I�m smart but not show anything for it? I would rather be the silent unknown genius. (Yeah right!) But whatever, I feel dumb over whatever I say.

The more people that know about this diary, the less important it feels. I�m feel as if I'm posting grades for students everyday � they take a glance, run their fingers over the words, and walk away after a minute. Already in the process of forgetting everything they read. I want more than that. But how can I make that happen? I�m writing to please, I�m censoring myself so those who just might think less of me.

It�s funny in a way. I thought people would understand me better. But I end up sounding relatively shallow and moody. That isn�t what I was going for.

Kelzee