looking at my hands. who does she think I am?
<< 1:20 a.m. - Monday, Oct. 07, 2002 >>
Monday, Oct. 07, 2002 - 4:42 p.m.

I find myself wondering what Animal Lover means. Am I that closed off? She said Sad Eyes felt like she couldn�t tell me anything. She said Sad Eyes thought I would laugh.

Who are they talking about? I am not the bitch they speak of. Or at least I was not aware I was that shallow and heartless. It doesn�t make sense. It doesn�t add up. Animal Lover was trying to explain my problem, but could not. Perhaps I�m not good in groups? Yeah, I know that. I get really quiet and irritable, I don�t feel like I can share with so many people at one time. I need privacy, small intimate groups; then I can spill my heart�s beatings on the floor.

But am I closed off? I only know when I tell people things, I need a mutual sharing thing. I want a person to show me they can trust me as well. I did this with Sad Eyes. I shared a really personal diary entry a few months ago, and she did nothing. I felt so stupid. Its hard to be around someone after that, like you�re walking around with a gaping wound whenever they are near. They have the power to twist the knife and that scares me.

I really don�t understand��

Me siento exta�o.