that hurt in me is fading
<< 5:08 p.m. - Saturday, Oct. 12, 2002 >>
It�s like cigarette smoke, clinging in the same way hurt does. It wraps around you - fills your nostrils - chokes your lungs.

I don�t know what to think about her. I felt so free to write in my old journal until her eyes hit the cast page. She hated me for what I said about her. Her real name was glaring out at her for everyone to see. I thought I knew so much, I thought I had everyone figured out, I had forgotten about myself.

I left my wounds open, and let them bleed. I hoped so hard that someone would see them, and help me. No one did. And the sadness passed through me, I feel its remnants in me. It haunts me, and creeps into my poetry when I�m not looking. But for now it is gone. And I am relatively free. I think about these things too much.

I pictured this perfect friendship with Sad Eyes, and from our emails, I have realized, she is not the person I thought she was, and I am not who I thought I could be. It�s so strange; we never really knew each other after all these years. I just thought we had a bond, maybe not.

And again I move on�

Lust fills me like never before. I am attracted to every boy I see. I cannot believe myself. What the hell happened to the prude I used to be? Well, I guess I�m glad to be rid of her. I still have so many things to sort out. I don�t know if I like Beach Boy, he is very sweet, and very cute, but as far as I know, he could be empty inside. It�s ridiculous to like him. Meh�