Words For Sale
<< 4:27 p.m. - Monday, Oct. 14, 2002 >>
The eagerness to write has ebbed. I am writing to fill a guilt that aches in me. Now that people think I�ve stopped writing, there is a lessening of care. It helps me to know that people read this. I try to help others to understand me; where I�m coming from. Sad Eyes just felt insulted, and I couldn�t help that. She told me I shouldn�t write anymore. But fuck her! Different people have different ways of dealing. It helps me to write, (mostly about nothing at all). I feel like when I write, I�m just creating sentences with new vocabulary I have never used in speech. Just getting words on the screen eases a hidden pressure.

School is okay. I am coming back to caring and turning things in. (That isn�t bad. Or is it?) My EMS (environmental middle school) friends are realizing that I still care about them, but I have new friends as well. They have dealt with that and I have as well. Things are settling in that section of my life.

Effervescent Girl & Black Nails are arguing again (although they don�t speak). I feel a tremendous tension between them. And I don�t know what to say to one about the other. I�m trying to remain neutral.

Is it a bad thing that I avoid confrontation?

I guess I know that if I do get into an argument; I will have nothing to support it. My reasoning just fades away. I crumble and grovel at the feet of the one I choose to oppose. All the while hating myself for doing it. (See: White Paper)

So yeah, things to think over. Must do homework. Damn Mr. Bromley! Damn History of the Americas! Damn the IB program!

*damning myself*