Who I Am
<< 7:22 p.m. - Thursday, Oct. 24, 2002 >>
Written in TOK class. Effect.

Who are you?

How do you know?

I�m a person who tries to look at things from different angles. I have strong opinions, but I keep them to myself. I�m in a black & white picture that has no grays. One thing about me contradicts the other. There is a constant internal batter being fought inside of me. I�m trying to find a middle ground.

Few people know the real me. There are too many sides. My exterior is that of a shy, quiet, stupid person. And I assume people think very little of me. I, my whole being is condensed into a misspelled name (�Kelsey�). I mean very little to a majority of people. This is truth, I am not whining, I state the obvious. I am not sad.

I�m a pessimist, adults say I�m smart and yet I don�t get the grades that reflect my knowledge. I am so tied up inside, Perfectionist and procrastinator.

I am commonly confused about the actions I take. They seem so very rash in reflection.

I�m a flake; I get too tied into things and back out. Commitment to something scares me. I don�t want to be obsessed. I prefer to float freely from one thing to the other. Life is a whim. I don�t like getting too close. I don�t trust people; I don�t trust myself. I tell selective stories. How much do you want to know anyway? I�ll spare you the thought; give you a censored version.

Don�t laugh at me. I can�t bear it. Self-confidence is fragile and thin; don�t throw stones. And I�ll try not to in return. I wait for people to make the first move. A fear of rejection, a fear of no mutual feelings.

All the things I fear have no basis on my own life. I don�t dare try them. I don�t dare fall short of my standards and so I don�t try at all. I want perfection without practice.

�.I can�t explain my shortcomings. How do I know? I lived in this skin and mind for 16 years. I should know, but I might not. It�s all that I�ve known, learned, and observed.

Who the hell am I?