(You'll never know how hard I've failed) (Trying to make up for lost time.)
<< 5:15 p.m. - Sunday, Nov. 10, 2002 >>
After a weekend of self made solitude, Animal Lover is coming over. Someone to wake me from my slumber. I appreciate that; perhaps I was afraid to let someone shatter the silence. Or perhaps they did not want to disturb me. I do not know.

Last night I dreamt of an elevator that came when you called and appeared in every situation possible. I had a grandmother who stole other people�s jewelry, and I was panicked about something I cannot recall. What does it mean?

Animal Lover told me I was the reason that Sad Eyes dropped Pre-calculus. Ooh! How can Sad Eyes say that�s my fault? I really don�t understand. I think we�re officially not friends. Although there was no formal fight, we pattered over e-mail and then it was over. So fast and so strange. I�ve never known someone to hate me.

How can she say things like that and then write this to me? Read on�

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Hey Kelsi,

I can't stop thinking about it either. And I did a lot of thinking last night. I can't remember the last time we had this deep of a conversation, and I miss it...

At first I just felt like we were moving apart, and I just sort of let it happen, because I guess I couldn't see anything left to do. When D.B. thing happened I just kind of exploded shall I say...

But I soon realized that I wasn't really mad at you at all, or if I was at all it wasn't for the same reasons. I don't want for this to come between us, I just feel like every time I try to be close with you, there's always someone else there. I hate doing it this way, but then again I was scared to talk face to face... which seems so silly...

I didn't think that you would laugh at me, I was just scared that you wouldn't say anything at all. I really like you Kelsi and it's hard for me to think that one more of my dear friends could slip between my fingers... (is that selfish?)

I know that you've found new friends and I almost could accept them... it's hard, being the one on the outside, always looking in, and I just don't feel as welcome around them.

I know this is a lot to take in, I was just going to give you some space and let everything sort of slide... but I just don't know how to do anything anymore...

Love,

Gina

PS: thank you for offering your feelings...

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Oh someone help me undetstand!