Would you fly away with me?
<< 11:09 p.m. - Thursday, Nov. 14, 2002 >>
I�m picturing autumn leaves that fall in the same spiral, one after the other. One, two, three, streaming down upon cold ground. It�s foggy outside � orange beams from the streetlights come down as if tangible things, solid and real. Picked a leaf that measured more than a foot, stole a string of �Danger� tape (ooh! so unlike me), watched Kasha harass other dogs. Walked with Black Nails to the top of Mt. Tabor and looked over our world. So big for a second, and in the next homely and boxy. The past was breathing at my neck.

It�s a strange feeling of calm. I don�t know how to say. Happy? That word is so misused. Just comfortable�perhaps.

Watched the movie Pumpkin. Stirred many thoughts. There seems to be a barrier everywhere I turn. An invisible wall of society that I cannot cross. In every group of people there is a �typical� characteristic. Something in which society creates and we strengthen. People have a need to be recognized, want to fit into a group. No matter how eccentric.

How is it that our clothes define us? The style, the material, the cost. Somehow that all figures into our inner beings. Punks (seem to) think they�re true to themselves by dressing in dark clothes and criticizing the �preps� to no end. They accept people based on their music and exterior. Hypocrites. We are all guilty of this.

I don�t know what to say of myself. My life is becoming quiet. I�ll leave it at that. Perhaps a little more silence all these years won�t make me too crazy. I guess I do talk. I dunno, not in a classroom. I�m afraid to say something serious and have someone laugh it off. I�m always so embarrassed. God dammit! TOK�