a god and a newt
<< 12:42 a.m. - Monday, Dec. 23, 2002 >>
december is my quietest month. having so much to say but holding it back. chocking on the words. There is so much I cannot begin.

Gina, Andrew, Josh etc make me feel jealous of their music-love. I have nothing. I don't "jam" in the same way. I suppose I have art and then I remember all those ho are better than me. I can only own something if I am the best. Ahh the wonders of my competitive mind. I cannot supress it very well. I think sometimes that I own writing, and then I remember Megan and Rahnia. Who are all these people that feel so much deeper than me? I feel hollow and weak in thier mighty presence. They like Gods and me like a stinking amphibian or oozing prehistoric creature that is merely stepped upon in the scheme of things.

oh. I need to talk to Gina. I want to walk along the streets with someone and laugh. I've been hainging out my my parents and Diane too much. I need those of my age. Oh angsty teens, come to me!