No One Can See Inside Your View
<< 3:06 a.m. - Sunday, Jul. 13, 2003 >>
Listening to the same songs on repeat, I find my mind elsewhere. I can�t focus on the now. Every new change makes me curl into myself, awaiting a calm front. The clouds are covering the stars and the yellow harvest moon. Everything is blocked and out of range. And I can�t figure out where to stand. What to say. Who I am. Where I figure into the world. I need to sit and evaluate where I am going. Because I don�t want to end up hurting. How far and how wide can I open up these newfound friends. I wonder how close I can get before I slide away, preserving a slight amount of dignity. No one needs to know I�m clingy and seek the spotlight like some quiet plotting ivy vine.

Can I say I feel unsatisfied? Maybe I�m just in that mood where apathy meets vacant stares, because I can�t seem to get out what I�m feeling at an appropriate time. It�s not the fault of anyone around me. It�s only my despondency showing itself. I�m just off today.

Andrew, Reid and Alex wore dresses on Hawthorne at midnight. And the Babes followed suit, me in Andrew�s clothes and the rest clad in retro. I am happy at all the people who surround me, and am being a terrible hostess. But, I�m in the mood for separate talks and one on ones. Anyone willing to join my tea party for two?