singing the same damn song
<< 12:40 a.m. - Thursday, Jan. 09, 2003 >>
Out in the cold I walk under amber streetlights, letting my hands turn to ice, my lips become chapped. Try to imagine Alaska, the insomniac of a sun that burns all day. If I could walk all the way to Alaska, maybe I would feel like I had accomplished something. At the moment I�m feeling utterly useless. Everything is moving too fast. I�ve got too many things planned.

I�m so bad. Nose without Freckles, Short Skirt and Math Genius left me the nicest message all I could do was watch their hope drain out and consider actually picking up the phone. They even told me if I was there they would come over and give me chocolates. I just stood there silently. I told you it was me that broke my own heart, �if I�m alone it must be me that wants to be apart.� I�m a stupid heartless witch sometimes.

Kasha�s episode of screaming has stopped. But I assume it will come back in waves. All she�s given me to think about is the terrible smell of her fartsthat pollute my room.

I so want to talk to someone and yet still feel repulsed. I promised Heather, the EMS stalker girl (so sweet of me) that I�d come to yoga with her tomorrow. Dammit! I�m really dreading yoga.

So conflicted. So cloudy.