Being A Black Hole
<< 8:53 p.m. - Tuesday, Apr. 29, 2003 >>
I�m looking back on previous entries of others I know, and realizing all the kindness they have shown me. All the nice things they have said. My entries are always about me, too self-absorbed to give anyone compliments.

What sort of friend am I? Really, I�m beginning to wonder. I�ve been shown so much more compassion than I�ve ever exuded. My friends waste so much energy on me. Black hole Kelsi. I suck in all the negative and spit it back out on the shoes of those I care about.

Not even unhappy. Not even suffering. I have nothing to cry about. I rarely cry. Well, that�s a lie. But it�s not as if I�ve experienced any hardship. People around me have died, but it�s not as if I ever really knew them. Why so bitter?

I�m just so distracted. I�m like Govinda, searching and not just finding. I�ve had it all along. I just don�t see. Blinded by the rush of life.