Will you put my hands away?
<< 9:36 p.m. - Tuesday, Apr. 12, 2005 >>
Hello! Hello?
Losing concentration
Losing motivation
Losing ground

Solo. So low.
Don�t like moderation
Starved for conversation
Are you down?

I can�t take it. I can�t take this. I will be speaking plainly from here. My passionless existence needs to stop now. I can�t seem to make that happen. For the past week I have been crying almost every day. Wailing fits of absolute fucking despair. And every time it ends, and the world stops spinning, I can�t make sense of what I felt. I can�t return to where I was, and I don�t want to. I forget it as quickly as it happened, and become calm and stony.

I�m so stressed. I�m so tired. I don�t want to talk about it; I don�t want to let anyone in. I�m trying though. I just want to curl up and hibernate like a clich� bear in a clich� cave until September rolls around, just so I don�t have to talk to anybody about �how I�m feeling.� I don�t know myself.

Love
A reaction to some soft skin
What about
Trust
I�ve seen it here and there

I can�t even depend on my feelings for Erik to hold me through. He told me he was just waiting for the day when I finally end it. Jesus, no, I don�t want that. I don�t know what I want anymore. To be utterly isolated and alone, just so I can think clearly again? I don�t think I can be okay without having that boy to wake up next. Without someone to wipe away my alligator tears, as he calls them, and tell me things are going to be okay. Of course, there is a reverse side to this; I don�t want to live with somebody who can�t clean up after themselves and doesn�t take initiative without a kick in the ass.

Life
A reaction to emptiness
Time
Continues for the Boogyman
Just give me one
Chance
To feature you in sunshine
And we could both
Dance
The aphids swarm away

(Let�s Talk Turkey, Ima Robot)