kelsi goes down
<< 12:15 a.m. - Saturday, Mar. 08, 2003 >>
I�m getting frozen up again. I have this idea that even if the world were falling apart before me, I wouldn�t notice. The cold started at my feet and is at my knees now. No! no! This isn�t what I wanted, but I feel powerless to stop it. My mother has lost her job and my father is practically unemployed, and all I can do is roll my eyes and drool nonchalantly. I can�t wake up. What is happening? I am apathetic and unchanging. Oh, how I would like to tell my friends how much they mean to me, and yet, I feel cranky and despondent. Smiles feel fake and shallow - hugs feel silly. You cannot plug a hole in the heart with excess cheer. I won�t let it sway me. And yet I want it to.

Oh well. I�m going crazy.

There is so much to do, and already I know I�ll waste that time mercilessly. Doing things I won�t remember 20 minutes later.