Look Into My Sunburnt Face and Tell Me What You See
<< 9:28 p.m. - Wednesday, Jun. 25, 2003 >>
Lick your hand. Is it salty? Can someone give me an in depth report on why this is so? Alex has old man hands, Andrew's got those bass fingers, Jenny with crooked artist's hands and me with my "sculpted hands", and yet they all taste salty. Why this matters I don't know. But it is strange.

Well then. I'm gonna be a movin' and a shakin' tonight at Klub Z. Hee hee. Life whirs by with an exceptional speed and at times I want to catch it and leave it suspended there. Let myself dwell in the euphoria that surrounds me. How can one take this for advantage? How is it that several months ago I wouldn't have been able to do this? Perhaps I have come farther than I thought.

Had planned to go dancing yesterday, but nothing was open so we headed down to Montage. Which I loved. All these empty wine glasses with white Christmas light behind them were glowing. Can I say I felt immensely mature? Watching conversations flickering around the table and being lost in thought. Who are these people? Where did they come from? Their company is enough for me sometimes.

Stayed up on the roof of Hosford and looked at the stars again. These ageless beings that are so far away. They intrigue me so. I wished so hard that the power could go out in the city and I would be able to see them in all their twinkling glory. Made a human pyramid. Haven't done that since...oh?..Catalina in 8th grade. I am awed by time.

Woke up in a "beach house room" at Jenny's and realized the alarm hadn't gone off. But got to dragon boats anyway. So glad I went, whereas originally I was a little hesitant. Strange how such small things can change the shape your life takes. Andrew was wondering how he would be different had he gone to EMS. The shit he went through wouldn't have brought him to where he is. To where we've all met up. This place I'm finding myself more relaxed in. How did this happen? Circumstance amazes me. I wonder what might have happened had I not told Gina on her Livejournal that we should be friends. I've been swallowed by this immense group of inspired people.

After practice, Jenny had the ingenious idea to play in the fountains; we were already so wet. Danced around in the chlorine with my eyes open. My brain on fire. When was the last time I did this? Why be so held back? I'm trying very hard to be a part every second and live fully. We slept in the sun in the fountains across from the Keller auditorium and my legs are now red and baked. Ahh! The giant bruise I got from Alex's unwieldy running was not nearly so constant as this. The sun can be overrated at times. But I was in the moment and I let my skin sizzle in the pleasantness that was us. I am so happy.

Hung at Andrew's. Ate quesadillas with his mom (Terry?), talked about moving, and college. All these questions about my future, I have no idea where to take myself. I know only that I don't want to get tied to money. I want to do what satisfies me and not be so swayed by academic pursuits. I feel so bad when I hear of people that are actually going through with the IB program, telling myself all the while that I could have done it. I could have showed them. But who are they? And what does it matter what they think? I'm trying to let go of all this pettiness that has become so infused in me.

Thank you all. I appreciate your presence. Your effect on me is unmeasured.