Aged
<< 2:42 p.m. - Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2005 >>
�change in the air
and they'll hide everywhere
and no one knows who's in control

you're working so hard
and you're never in charge.�

Muse � Ruled By Secrecy

Today seems old already. Stained by damp coffee cups and the rotting leaves. Worn by hands and thought. My memory lingers here. One of those unknown days that won�t have any significant climax. Many of my days are like that now. An unending sleepless day that lingers and drags itself on my pant legs.

At least I can say with assuredness that I am out of whatever hole I dug myself into almost a year ago. This paranoia and this anxiety fell off my body like shedding skin. I�m sitting here exposed all over again, and no one can tell yet. That�s fine, and that�s okay. My muse came back to me. I can draw again. I can write again. I want to write letters to the girls. I want to redesign this site.

Old day. I know you. Calm in chaos. Fluttering papers contained in a jar. I know that I can depend on you to surprise me. I know that I can be consistently inconsistent again. That is a lot.

Part of me wants to go back and fix friendships, rekindle dead and dying flames. I don�t know if it�s in my power. I don�t know if it will be important in a matter of months. For once, I think I�m okay where I am. I�m okay with not looking back and just finally moving along.