It's Just Me Being Despondent
<< 8:30 p.m. - Wednesday, Jun. 04, 2003 >>
Mood dropped to an all time low during Pre-calculus. All this talk of SAT scores makes me want to run and hide. I don�t want a number summing up my intelligence level. I haven�t even taken it yet. I should have a month ago, and now I can�t take it till my senior year. I just want to have something to prove to them, I want to break the illusions people have of me. But I�m not the one who is going to prove anything by my SAT score. I want a redeeming quality that belongs to me. Those kinds of qualities that make people who they are. In the end, I just feel like I�ve come up with empty hands.

I read Jenny�s entry and felt so strange. As if the Kelsi she was writing about wasn�t me. Like I�ve been telling lies. You�ve been taking my actions for more than they are. Acts of sloth. My mistakes are not me rebuffing the system. I�ve just found myself so lethargic. I can only mimic the flat taste of soda, a hopeful bubbliness. I watch those around me laugh and giggle and tickle each other, but do not move myself to join them. I don�t know why I am so dead.

I feel like everything I say could be said better. Why do I bother to add anything? I�m stretching my arms farther and farther but to no avail. I watch those around me fly past my outstretched arms with ease. I�ve fallen into my bubble again.