manipulaci�n
<< 8:27 a.m. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2008 >>
I need to take a lexical shit.
I need to dredge the nearby river in search of leeches
and attach them to my tender skin
so that they may drain my swollen limbs -
so that all this need and indecision is diluted
and I can see clearly where I am.

I keep reading the entries of days past,
of years past
and finding that same topics are taken
with the same vigor of the first time.
Like the whore that fucks men every night
and arises from the holy lake every morning a virgin.

I forget I already talked about this.
I forget my philosophical repertoire has already been tapped.
And all I do now is manipulate the same idea so that it appears new.

Ultimately I want silence.
Ultimately I want to scream.
Getting a sense of where I am seems impossible.
Do I want this or not?
Do I deny you or accept you?
Is it black or is it white?

This gray,
this sitting,
this waiting-and-seeing.
I want to act now � I want to end it or begin it
and stop languishing in half greetings.
Hello/Goodbye
Are you going or staying?

Foolish girl, adapt.
This world was never so binary
and neither are you.