My Anchor Has Departed
<< 6:18 p.m. - Wednesday, Aug. 27, 2003 >>
I am so lost now. Can�t help my lip curling back, can�t help my wandering feet, can�t help these star bound eyes. I might revert into Kelsi of old, and now, at this moment I feel completely apathetic to that point. I miss her. What am I going to do when this happens to me? And what if it doesn�t at all and I end up suspended between the high school and college worlds?

Curl up and cry. Wither into the disconnected plant I have so recently become. I need her old journals to keep me company. I need your words. I need your voice. And I�m so sorry I wasn�t able to look you in the face today. Hide everything behind my hair. �You changed me.� �You changed yourself.�

I�ve temporarily exiled myself inside. Shuffling around the house in semi stupor and bursting into random tears. I wish I could sleep the day away, but every time I gain consciousness there is too much to think about and my brain races so fast eons seem to pass in a couple ticked minutes on the clock.

I�m irrational right now. Forgive me. I know this will pass, but for now. I�ll let it consume me.

And do not change. Do
not divert your love from
visible things. But go on
loving what is good, simple
and ordinary; animals and
things and flowers, and
keep the balance true.
-Rilke