Piss and Moan
<< 7:11 p.m. - Wednesday, Apr. 30, 2003 >>
Is it bad that I want to quit dragon boats now?

Is that stupid?

When Sheila said, �If you want to quit do it now. Don�t try and stick it out,� the words felt as if spoken directly to me. What a blubbering baby I am. I just wanted to be a lead so badly, and without asking Emili is given the position I so desperately wanted. It�s not her fault. It�s no one�s fault really.

I just wasn�t good enough. I�m fucking �paddle-dexterous� and still it gets me nowhere.

I apologize for not waving to those who called out to me. I am so disappointed. Didn�t want my face to crumple in front of the others I don�t know.

.....later.....

Can anyone guess what I'm feeling now? Anger. Totally irrational and cruel. I'm blaming others for what I lack. I still think it was cruel of her. When she knew exactly what I wanted. I was pompous and arrogant to think I was good at keeping time and that I rotated well.

I feel an utter fool.