I've Fucked It Up This Time
<< 8:31 p.m. - Saturday, Apr. 19, 2003 >>
Grades have come. Like the incessant tides, they wash over my feet and I loose all hope I ever had. I was happy this morning. Afternoon brings deep shame. How have I fallen so far? I was asking my mom what it might be like to fall forever, would the adrenaline teeter out? Or would you be left with emptiness?

�I don't wanna be the one
The one who's always left behind
Will there ever come a day
When I can turn around and say

It's all right now
It's all right now, yeah, yeah
It's all right now

I don't wanna be the one
The one who's always left undone
Losing more and more
I'm drained of everything
I'm falling down
I'll go see through in the sun

Waiting, watching, restoration for those who stay
Waving to those that walk away�
- The Lucy Nation

I can�t walk away from the ruin I�ve created. Must face it. Save the face I never had. I will walk through the thorned bushes forever. Why have I fucked everything up? Don�t try to tell me otherwise, cause you don�t know what I�ve done. I don�t even want to tell you. What future I once had is clouded by the multitudes of mistakes I have made. I wasted it all.

I am shit.

Purple tulips bloom in my room. The darkest they come.