deeper
<< 12:23 a.m. - Wednesday, Jan. 08, 2003 >>
I can�t break myself free from this static like melancholy. A body cast of haze. I can�t get any clarity. I keep looking to the stars for answers, the teacup moon for hope - nothing. The world around me seems to be collapsing; I want to run from this cloud of mortality that crackles over my head too many times. I cannot move. Cassie Brown is dead. The girl I used to talk to in middle school is already gone. And breath is sucked from my mouth.

She is not the one that pains me most. She is not the one who screams at night and walks around my room with long toenails. She is not the one who tries to bite me when I get to close the dangling paw. Kasha is that one. I suspect she may have a brain tumor. Nonetheless I cannot bare the unearthly screams at night that leave me at four hours of sleep. The incessant trembling in pain. Muscles on her head standing up and eyes unfocused. I know not what to do.

I�ve just stopped caring. Entered a world where I let nothing touch me. Homework and quizzes pass me by and with a wave of my hand I dismiss them in disinterest.

I�ve pierced the silence of the dead. And all I can do is yawn.