Time has told me
<< 12:39 a.m. - Saturday, Mar. 15, 2003 >>
Getting sleepy, but still must stay up. My room is completely dark excluding the computer screen that glows white on my face. I hate having a mirror so close. Every time I look over, I see my tired pupil-less eyes. And then I start thinking about boys, and something as unfathomable as love. Why do I bother? Chris was horribly right that I �don�t exactly exude sexuality�. That fact alone has been haunting me for days. I want to be loved. Let me admit it frankly. I need that right now. I don�t want to remain the hormone less girl that I�m so used to? But life isn�t like Grease, I can�t just wake up and change my personality with a pair of leather pants and good makeup.

I end up feeling entirely foolish when I express that sort of feeling. It�s just laughable. How could I say such things and have never felt love? Too many boys that my eyes hold and keep my mind wandering. But that boy with the shaggy brown hair and cubist style holds my attention.