I've Got Ugly Team Spirit
<< 8:44 p.m. - Wednesday, May. 21, 2003 >>
I�m sitting here with shit everywhere. Clean clothes intermingling with dirty ones covering the floor. Pencils, crayons, scissors, old dishes are killing all my inspiration. I�m faced with the task of counting my teammate�s t-shirt order forms and collecting money. I can�t plan. I can�t organize. This is too much.

This captain business has got me tied up. I don�t want to be some marauding bitch that tries to control situations. I try to stay away from competitive events because I get disgustingly obsessive and aggressive. By the end of my soccer �experience� I was being threatened with green cards for being far too pushy. It feels dangerous to let my competitive spirit get the best of me. Anne and Jenny can get pumped with we�re-going-to-win music, and all I feel is the desire to crush all in my path. My eyes turned black and brain on fire. (I�ve made myself sound like a psycho.)

This isn�t what I want. I just want the companionship that comes of happy little races. Not demon girl.