Unknown Roads
<< 12:20 a.m. - Monday, Apr. 10, 2006 >>
So, I had this perfect way to describe Erik and I. Driving back to Oregon along I-5 in the backseat cave and I thought it up. Leaving the lovely green rolling hills to break into the scraggly Doug Firs and Sword ferns. Perhaps the most perfect part about it was the fact that I can no longer remember. It just came rocketing out of my body like everything else did this weekend. Haha.

Thing is, I don�t know. Thing is, I don�t think I will ever know. Why is the attachment is between us is so fucking immense? I said before he was my Oxytocin love. I drove the car around street corners and screamed into the receiver of my cell phone just last night. And yet, we lay in bed peacefully and watched movies till three o�clock in the morning.

Maybe we are weak. We are blue wretched long necked creatures who hold their arms out to the sky and get back the vast silence of stars and decide being together is better than all the nothing out there. And that�s not true. The world outside isn�t filled with nothing. It ain�t even silent. But the touch of someone else makes my stomach roll. The thought of being strangers and passing each other by with out acknowledgement is all too eerie.

One thing I do know? That my mind is never made up. My feelings remain a swirling, perhaps even nauseating kaleidoscope. Whenever I attempt to bury them in Ross Island�s concrete I end up frantically digging them out again; get myself stuck in the thick mess.