The Two Coins of Your Eyes
<< 2:24 a.m. - Monday, Jul. 14, 2003 >>
I�m catching all the glances. All the clicks and whistles that mean nothing and everything, and I'm thinking I might understand the language of the dolphins. Delicate tongues that make so many empty sounds. That is me. And what do I care that only a select few will understand what the hell I'm talking about? This is for me.

I'm getting out the proverbial stick and prying myself out of this shell I find myself in too often. None of this silence when you play my song. I'm being cast into all these new situations like those worms that fly on the ends of clear strings and can only expect a splash and maybe a ripple. I can't stop myself from falling into them, so why not enter these new worlds gracefully? I'm still an otter at heart. Learning things by crashing into them, smelling and tasting all the plants I already know the names of. Wood Sorrel, Salmonberry. Salal, Thimbleberry, Indian Plum, and Fennel. I'm sampling all the textures that my hands encounter, and making myself remember. Not letting myself live through that damned digital camera I am always toting along.

And I don't know where I'm going with this. I am just fulfilled. Talking with Rosy on Mt. Tabor I realize I'm saying a lot more than I normally do. Feeling tiny tears well up and I'm feeling vastly immature in the process. Does it matter that both my parents are in the process of losing their jobs? The chest tightens and eyelids sting, and I end up wanting more connections to people like her. This ache that I don�t like talking about. Whining is something I restrain myself from.

Shall I admit it frankly? I want someone to bestow my heart in.